Thomas's walking machine - Pony Gait Trainer

Well we are feeling mightily blessed this week. After about 11 months Thomas was finally approved for a gait trainer and it arrived yesterday. As you can see in the pictures it is bright yellow and black and has a horse picture on it. I think he looks so cute in it. So far he pushes it backwards, but eventually he'll get it to go forward I'm sure.

It has been really tough lately, because for a year he has been pulling himself into a standing position, but also falling for a year. He wants so badly to get around and get into things like other two year olds. He works so hard to do the things that seem to come so naturally for most of us. I hope his pony walker helps him go all the places he wants to go.

Slade Family Reunion - July 2008 - Gallup NM

Slade / Nash Family Reunions - July 2008

I love my family!!! I can't say that too many times. My grandparents, parents, siblings, and nieces and nephews are so amazing. It is hard to put into words the feelings I have for my famiy. The chaos is amazing. There were 24 people staying under one roof at my parents house. I LOVE CHAOS. Woo Hoo! The kids are all loud and excited and running every which way. My family is such a movie family, but what was kind of neat this time was when the kids went to bed instead of watching movies, two of the nights the adults just talked and laughed together. It was really neat to get closer to my siblings and their spouses that way. The other part that was so neat was one night my dad decided to teach all the grandkids how to play drums. They were so excited about that. He has been a drummer for a long time and that is how he got himself through college. It was really neat to see him pass it down to the grandkids. My favorite picture of Thomas was taken on grandpas lap learning how to play the drums.

The last night we were in New Mexico we got to witness Trent (Tracy and JJ's 2nd child) get baptised. He chose the speakers and the songs and it was a really spiritual night. We also had sadness that night because AshLeigh wasn't able to get baptised with him. (Wendy and Travis's 2nd child) She was a strong girl; though, and we were all very proud of her.

Let me just say one more time "I LOVE MY FAMILY".

The best part of this summer was definitely not the money in gas we speant to go to our two family reunions, but the reunions themselves.

Jeremy's family is great and it was fun getting to know them better at Camp Lomia in Utah. We camped for two nights. We had games and smores by the fire, got in water fights, damned up the river, visited, and tried to spot deer and other wild creatures. He has an awesome family and I feel blessed to be a part of it.

I am going to attach pictures as soon as I get them rounded up, but here are some of my families reunion. More to come...

Infertility

I hope Jeremy is okay with me writing about this. I feel it could help any men who may be experiencing some of the same feelings.

It has been 9 years and 3 months since we first started trying to conceive a baby and to this day we have not had that particular blessing given to us. Through all of this I have had some incredibly rough times dealing with the anger, heartbreak, sadness, helplessness, and feeling broken. Jeremy has always just been supportive. -I love you Becky no matter what. I'll be just fine if we adopt. I just want kids and lots of them -

Until this past week. He came home from work and cried telling me how badly he wants us to be able to have natural children. He loves Thomas so much, but he also wants to be a birth father. When he told me I felt relief that he finally understood how i'd been feeling for over 9 years. Let me just say I have been obsessed with pregnancy, child birth, and everything that goes along with it. Every time I hear a babys first cry tears come to my eyes and I feel as if my heart will break. (break with joy or sadness or both I don't know), but the miracle of life is so beautiful to me.

Later that same day my feelings changed from relief to feelings of depression. It felt wrong to be Jeremy's wife and to keep him from being able to experience that most beautiful experience of making a child. I felt as though I'd let him down. I felt very broken again. What if I am never able to get pregnant and he never gets to be a birth father.

I guess I need to just have faith that we will work through whatever comes our way. That he chose me as his wife and is still happy with that decision. That he doesn't regret marrying me. Faith that we can endure through and will be that much more blessed for it. And just maybe Heavenly Father will bless us like he did Abraham and Sara with a baby when we are old. If not well that is just part of life and life is short and I'm not going to let anything get in the way of our eternal progression.

Our Thomas and Loved Ones